in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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