I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
