drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
