It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
