If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
