Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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