You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
