Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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