drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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