My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
