he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
