Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
