He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Less talking, more tequila
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
