Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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