dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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