Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
