his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize