onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize