Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize