i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
