Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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