My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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