Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
