I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
