I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
home. puking in laundry basket.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Someone signed my nipple.
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