i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You ruined the universe
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I have post one night stand depression
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