I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So many bounce houses so little time
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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