Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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