If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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