So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
