Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I touched a dick in church today
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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