we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize