I forgot how hot balto sounded
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
