My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Randomize