I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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