kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize