What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You can't just leave with hair like that
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize