it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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