Just cropdusted the office
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
