Swine flu. Run for my life!
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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