Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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