never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize