My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
