Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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