I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
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