Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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