what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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