Dude my mom stole all your condoms
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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