jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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