She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We are all done wearing pants today
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
