Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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