I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
