I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
