Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
