i was born a porn star she said
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
