I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
