..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
