Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
