Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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