i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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