the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
