you win again, gameday.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
