sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
