i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
