I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
