Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Panties = found
Randomize
