I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
