We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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