Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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