just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
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