doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
