Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize