Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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