Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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