Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
