lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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