in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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